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Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self. - Cyril Connolly
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
April Fools Day - I wish it were
Well, my charmed existence of the last few months is definitely, 100%, completely, over.

Everything I'm about to tell you is true. There is no April Fools punch line, unlike some other bloggers I know.

Yesterday, I got home from work around 8:00 PM.

I know, I know, I've only been on the job for two weeks, but we have a big site visit scheduled for tomorrow afternoon, a lot of important people will be there, and I have to make a presentation, and it's my first one, and, and, and....so I stayed at work till 7:30 and came home to keep working on my presentation till after midnight, and I will do the same this evening, and have a meeting at 7:00 AM tomorrow morning. The site visit is from 3:00 PM - 6:00 PM. By this time tomorrow, I'm gonna be so sleep deprived, I'm heading straight to bed.

I walked in the door last night, and immediately discovered that one of the cats had taken a dump in my favorite tuxedo flats!! This is the most outrageous act of letting me know they're ticked off with me that they have ever pulled off - I thought. Both of the cats (up till now) have had pristine litterbox habits - not one accident ever. Then Pumpkin got a urinary tract infection a few weeks ago, and he had some issues, but I thought he was over it - until now.

I acted with appropriate outrage and annoyance, and after I cleaned up my shoes, I changed into an old pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt, heated up some leftover Chinese takeout from the weekend, and settled down to watch "Dancing with the Stars" while I worked on my presentation. I was ignoring Pumpkin's attempts to jump on my lap and snuggle because I was still pissed at him, and he knew it. After about 1/2 hour of head butting and meowing, he finally wiggled his way around the laptop onto my lap, and I let him sit there, but refused to pet him.

Suddenly, I felt a strange warmth envelope my lap, and just a millisecond before I smelled it, I realized that MY CAT HAD PEED ON ME!

I could. not. believe. it.

I went to the laundry room - stripped, and jumped in the basement shower to rinse off. I mean, ICCCKK! And just as I was about to drop kick the cat into the next county, it dawned on me that healthy cats don't pee on their owners, and Pumpkin is just not smart enough to be so annoyed with me that he would take out his revenge by shitting in my shoes and peeing on me - something was definitely wrong. The urinary tract infection is back and we need to go back to the vet.

So that was last night, and until I get him to the vet, he gets to stay in the laundry room with his litter box and food and water while I worry about him like an anxious mother.

Today, I had scheduled the installation of a new dishwasher and the arrival of plumbers to unclog a stuck toilet in my bathroom, that I strongly suspected the cats of having dropped something into it like little kids drop marbles or shoes in the toilet. I had already tried using a plumber's snake on the drain myself, and got nowhere with it, and decided to suck it up and call a professional. Both of these appointments were made long before I knew about the big site visit at work on Wednesday, and I was unable to get them scheduled before I started the new job. I took the latest possible appointment in the day and ran home at 3:00 today knowing I could handle the presentation via email to the office remotely by computer.

The only good news of the day, is that both repair guys showed up on time, as promised, at 3:30 PM.

Long story short - the dishwasher guy is still here at 6:30 PM, and is having trouble getting the thing hooked up to the drain properly and leveled. Meanwhile, up in the bathroom.....

Darryl and Darryl jammed an auger with a 6 foot snake on it down into the toilet and after making noises like the ceiling in the living room was going to cave in any minute for nearly an hour, finally came down to tell me that the auger was jammed on something and that they would have to take the entire toilet out, TRY to unclog it, and if that didn't work, they would have to destroy the toilet and put in a new one. The toilet is only three years old. It was brand new when I remodeled that bathroom.

New toilet and installation $$$$$. Plus vet bill = $$$$$$$$$$

So, with raw sewage all over my bathroom floor a few hours later, we're still working on it. FINALLY, they broke the jam, and it turned out that a large wooden stopper and metal flange ring from the top of one of those reed diffusers had gotten jammed in the toilet when the cats knocked it off the bathroom shelf and the jar splintered into a million little glass shards (which I am still finding), spewing lemongrass scented oil all over my towels, down the wall, and coating every available surface in the bathroom.

Now I just have to wait until Darryl and Darryl re-install the toilet and clean up the mess, at which time, I can write some large checks and everyone can go home.

Anybody want two cats??
posted by Broadsheet @ 6:30 PM  
2 Editorial Opinions:
  • At April 02, 2008, Blogger anonymouscoworker said…

    Wow, that really sucks. Your cats are much worse than my cats.

     
  • At April 02, 2008, Blogger Summer said…

    oh man that sucks. Ok, lesson learned, keep the toilet lid down!

    My cat peed on my hand a few years ago. It was about two minutes after I woke up... I was petting her and then she squatted on me. It was AWFUL. And yes, that is definitely a sign of a cat in distress! I hope Pumpkin is better soon!

     
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