Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self. - Cyril Connolly
Wednesday, March 02, 2005
FUBARBUNDY
Since many folks do not leave comments (cough, Steve, Jerry, and Scott, cough), or even bother to read the comments on posts, I thought the following transaction deserved its own post:
Apropos of nothing at all; a doctor friend occasionally gives me insider info on the horrible acronyms that hospital medics, at least in the UK , use on their files. Anyone care to speculate on FUBARBUNDY ?
We use that one too: "Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition But Unfortunately Not Dead"
Others: UBI (for "Unexplained Beer Injury") PAFO ("Pissed And Fell Over") ATFO ("Asked To F... Off") Code Brown, refers to a faecal incontinence emergency.
Then there is DBI, for "Dirtbag Index." This is a formula used in the ER which multiplies the number of tattoos on the patient's body by the number of missing teeth to estimate the total of days he has gone without a bath.
Relatives of patients on the critical list may blanche if they knew what CTD, GPO or Rule of Five mean on their loved-one's records.
The first means "Circling The Drain", the second signifies "Good for Parts Only" and "Rule of Five" means that if more than five of the patient's orifices are obscured by tubing, he has no chance.
A patient who is "giving the O-sign" is very sick, lying with his mouth open.
This is followed by the "Q-sign" -- when the tongue hangs out of the mouth -- when the patient becomes terminal.
General practitioners may use LOBNH ("Lights On But Nobody Home") or the impressively bogus Oligoneuronal to mean someone who is thick.
But they also have a somewhat poetic option: "Pumpkin positive", referring to the idea that the person's brain is so tiny that a penlight shone into his mouth will make his empty head gleam like a Halloween pumpkin.
And lastly, if a doctor is stumped for what is wrong with his or her patient, they may record GOK, for "God Only Knows."
Good god! And you complain about kids and their AIM lingo.