| Saturday, April 23, 2005 |
| Fathers, Go Love your Daughters (Jack Johnson) |
God Bless Messy Hair Girl. Again.
Go. Read it now. This is my life.
As the daughter of a quasi well known architect who moonlights as a furniture designer, I spent my younger (and some of my older) years sanding, painting, staining, landscaping, and hauling things around our family property. As 70's era kids grew up with hippie parents, I grew up with "remodeling" parents. I did not live in a "finished" house till I left home for college. I grew up thinking plastic sheeting in the kitchen and cold water showers were normal. Drywall was a finished surface. I stained and/or sanded more square footage of deck, board and baton as a kid than any US Labor Standard should/would know. Child emancipation laws. As you might expect from this, about a month after I left for college, my folks turned my bedroom into a new en suite marble and gold fixtured bathroom which we affectionately called the "sex palace".
Since my parents were the same age I am now when they dropped me off at college (??!!!) I see their point (finally). Being the house of an architect, (i.e. always on display), it was also always a work in progress. But here's where MHG makes the same point I want to: I was always the "finisher" in the process (i.e. sanding, painting, staining, etc.). The more detailed construction tasks were left to my brother, and I never understood why. To this day, my sisters and I have benefited from my mother's extraordinary culinary daring and expertise. We were always part of her dinner parties and holiday meals, and still spearhead those celebrations to this day. My Dad and brother hibernated in the 'shop,' and while they gratefully ate the meals we prepared as much as we appreciated the decks, bookcases, desks, storage sheds, repairs, and other 'manly' creations they provided, for some still as yet unexplained reason, those two worlds have never met. I chalk it up to the era (70's / 80's), but seriously, we were all treated so equally in SO many other ways, that this part of my upbringing seems odd. I don't remember rejecting working in Dad's workshop any more than I remember my brother rejecting to cook. But then again, and more worrisome, I don't remember the offer from either side. Was it THAT polarized? I think we both missed a huge opportunity.
As an adult, and as a result of this background, I have inherited a better set of tools and hardware than I am capable of using thanks to my Dad. Like my mother with clothes, jewelry, and accessories, Dad provides 'hand me down' tools and materials to his girls. A few years ago I asked for a cordless drill for Christmas since I was a new homeowner. My Dad decided to give my brother a new drill and "re-gift" his old drill to me - which was quite literally - older than me. Thanks Dad - I'll have the therapist send the bill to you..... |
posted by Broadsheet @ 9:31 PM   |
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| 1 Editorial Opinions: |
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Wow, I don't know where to start with this post. As the younger sister by 5 years, there's a significant difference in our experience in the family dynamic. You're spot on with the gender-related hobby/skill encouragement stuff but I'd disagree with the characterization of Mom/Dad as "hippies" who are (and surely were then too) Republicans despite their sympathy to the arts. Hope I'm not "outting" them too much here by pointing that out. Mom did make macrame wall hangings and batiked banners but that was more an outlet for the mothering responsibilities than a clear declaration of liberal politics IMHO.
As for a proclivity towards shop or home-ec, I think at least as much responsibility should be placed squarely on the shoulders of the public school system. These days, when I poll my students, it's more the norm that girls have taken shop and boys have taken home-ec because the schools have recognized and responded to the gender socialization thing.
Also, I want to say that I personally took no interest in cooking (which is now my all-consuming hobby) until I was about 23. Sure, sitting in Mom's kitchen more than Dad's woodshop helped to foster that latent interest but I don't feel like I lost out on the woodshop thing. I think at any point I could have gone out to the shop and said "Dad, teach me this," and he would have happily spent one of his rare free afternoons on a tutorial about the finer points of japanese hand saws that apparently require one to pull with grace rather than push with force. And I don't really envy "Only Brother's" experience in the shop because I think he feels equally segregated in other ways in this all-girl-all-the-time family.
Dunno, I'm trying to learn stuff from Dad now that I've realized how much time I wasted holding the end of an unfinished board without asking questions. I figure if he didn't see his girls as much more than a very adaptable set of board holder/finishers when we were little, then that's his bad. But if we don't see ourselves as more than that as adults, then that's our bad. What do you think? What do your blogging friends think?
Again I'll emphasize that I've had a much different experience as the youngest child in so many ways, so I'm not suggesting this is comparable to everyone's experience, especially yours/Linda's. In any case, thanks for a great post. It got me thinking and blogging on a rainy Saturday. Have fun in New Orleans!
Sister #3
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Wow, I don't know where to start with this post. As the younger sister by 5 years, there's a significant difference in our experience in the family dynamic. You're spot on with the gender-related hobby/skill encouragement stuff but I'd disagree with the characterization of Mom/Dad as "hippies" who are (and surely were then too) Republicans despite their sympathy to the arts. Hope I'm not "outting" them too much here by pointing that out. Mom did make macrame wall hangings and batiked banners but that was more an outlet for the mothering responsibilities than a clear declaration of liberal politics IMHO.
As for a proclivity towards shop or home-ec, I think at least as much responsibility should be placed squarely on the shoulders of the public school system. These days, when I poll my students, it's more the norm that girls have taken shop and boys have taken home-ec because the schools have recognized and responded to the gender socialization thing.
Also, I want to say that I personally took no interest in cooking (which is now my all-consuming hobby) until I was about 23. Sure, sitting in Mom's kitchen more than Dad's woodshop helped to foster that latent interest but I don't feel like I lost out on the woodshop thing. I think at any point I could have gone out to the shop and said "Dad, teach me this," and he would have happily spent one of his rare free afternoons on a tutorial about the finer points of japanese hand saws that apparently require one to pull with grace rather than push with force. And I don't really envy "Only Brother's" experience in the shop because I think he feels equally segregated in other ways in this all-girl-all-the-time family.
Dunno, I'm trying to learn stuff from Dad now that I've realized how much time I wasted holding the end of an unfinished board without asking questions. I figure if he didn't see his girls as much more than a very adaptable set of board holder/finishers when we were little, then that's his bad. But if we don't see ourselves as more than that as adults, then that's our bad. What do you think? What do your blogging friends think?
Again I'll emphasize that I've had a much different experience as the youngest child in so many ways, so I'm not suggesting this is comparable to everyone's experience, especially yours/Linda's. In any case, thanks for a great post. It got me thinking and blogging on a rainy Saturday. Have fun in New Orleans!
Sister #3